I LOVE LA

It's been an interesting few weeks here in LA.  We had a warm spell and then a storm came in last night and washed the air clean.  The temps were chilly today and the views of the mountains spectacular!  So I did a hike in Fryman Canyon off Laurel Canyon Blvd and took these amazing photographs today.  There is nothing like a beautiful spring day in Los Angeles.  Once again for today....I LOVE LA.

The views from these houses are amazing.

I LOVE SAN FRANCISCO

THIS past weekend I had an amazing time in San Francisco.
For those of you who are my friends on Facebook then you have access to all of my photos that I posted.
For those that I email here are a few of the shots that I took on this sunny, amazing, beautiful day in the city by the bay.

SUNNY SUNDAY IN SAN FRANCISCO

This was my "Paris Street Rainy Day" moment.

There is a famous French Impressionist named Caillebotte.

I believe it is my job to record life as I am experiencing it for future generations to see.

After I took this photo I burst into tears.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.

And the day was a special Sunday where they shut down the street and allow only pedestrians and people on skates and bikes. 

Oakland Bridge at Ferry Building Wharf

WORLD FAMOUS CASTRO THEATRE

CONSERVATORY OF FLOWERS 

Golden Gate Park in San Francisco

NATIONAL AIDS MEMORIAL GROVE 

Sitting at the CIRCLE OF FRIENDS 

I have been wanting to see this memorial for a few years now.  Finally made it.

It is a stunning "living" memorial to those we lost, for those living with AIDS and for future generations to look back on and say "What was AIDS?"

I LOVE Joannie Rochette

Well it has been weeks since I have written.  Two weeks ago, I attended both Joe Erwin's memorial in Orlando and my step-grandfather funeral in Kentucky within a 48 hour period.  Since returning to LA,  I have been taking time to be still and contemplate my own life.  What do I really want to do next?  At each memorial I heard the words "pay attention to your life."  What's important in yours?

Tonight I just watched the skating of the women's short program.
Joannie Rochette of Canada skated an amazing program after dealing with the passing of her mother just two days ago on Sunday.  Actually she skated an amazing program.  It is a personal best for her.

Having been someone who's own mother passed away while I was a teenager, my heart goes out to her.
I cannot imagine what it took for her to get out on that ice and do a performance like that.

Bravo Mademoiselle.

JOE & ME

Joe & Me  1990

Finally found my favorite picture of the two of us.

We had just moved in together in Orlando.

This spring will mark the 20th anniversary of when Gerry met Joe at Universal Studios Florida.

I have gone through every box and drawer in my apt here in LA and finally last night I found this photo.  It had been in a frame at one time and I kept looking for the framed picture. 

I found it instead along with a whole group of pictures from that time in my life.  In going through my whole banker box of photographs, I found tangible evidence that I have lived an amazing life.  These photos show me taking trips all over California and the world, more ex boyfriends and most importantly a very loving family.  There is joy in the pictures of my brother, sister and I.  Photos of me along with my dad and step mother and step brother and sister and their families reminds me that I truly am loved. 

More than that I am blessed.

And I know that most people don't have what I have.

Unconditional love.

Twenty years ago Joe & I lived in a bubble.  We were accepted by our co-workers, friends and families as a couple unconditionally.  As I reflect on this relationship twenty years later, I realize how blessed I am to have experienced a relationship like the one I had with Joe.

Now don't get me wrong I don't forget the difficult times and our relationship did not end well.  

However I do know that for a time, it was amazing to be that loved.

And for that I am forever grateful.

Have you called or hugged someone you love today?

Gerry

I LOVE JOE ERWIN

Joe at the beach 1991.

When I began this blog back this past summer I had no idea where all this talk of love was going to take me.  It's made me examine all aspects of love in my life.  Today has been one of those days.

I had an omen that something was wrong on Saturday morning when I opened my door and across the roof top I saw the black crow.  It turned to look at me and it made it's caw sound.  I put it out of my mind.

Then this morning after my Sunday AA meeting I listened to a voicemail from my good friend Glenda that told me to call her back as soon as possible.  Glenda broke the news to me that my ex lover and partner from Orlando, Joe Erwin had died.

For the first hour or so I was in shock.  Sitting in a french bakery restaurant in the middle of West Hollywood, I contemplated our time together.  I questioned myself as to how long it had really been since I had spoken to Joe.  Several years ago I am sure, our Christmas cards had stopped being sent. 
I had moved 4 times and had that horribly bad relationship from two years ago.  We lost touch.

I kept looking for him on facebook this past year.  I had found his old address but for some reason this year, I didn't send a card.  I didn't lose it until I was walking back to my truck and I began to think about the painting he did of me when we were together.  That painting is the one thing that will always remind me of how much he loved me in that moment.  I haven't sobbed like this in years.  Call it compounded it grief, it literally stopped me on the sidewalk and doubled me over.  I stood by my truck for a good 20 minutes just letting it flow out of me.  I let go of all the unresolved feelings, the amends that I feel I still have to make to him, the lose of not getting to say goodbye in person.

Joe and I met at Universal Studios and were together for only a few years.
I behaved poorly in the relationship and it ended badly!  I went to live temporarily with my brother and his wife in Sarasota.  Our good friend Trisha saw me that summer and inquired as to Joe's health.  She had seen him in a play and had noted that he didn't look very good.  Being that I have lived my life in a sort of denial when it comes to partners and lovers, I just thought he had a cold that summer. 

It was 1993. 

Joe was diagnosed with pneumocystis pneumonia (PCP).  And he had full blown AIDS.  I went and got myself tested and back then it took a week to get the test results back.  I went to California to take an Eric Morris Acting workshop and to spend time with Glenda who had moved to LA earlier that year. 

When I returned to Orlando, my dear friend Scott picked me up and was there with me when I got my HIV test results.  I will forever be grateful to he and his partner at the time Paul for keeping me at their house for a few days after I learned that I to was HIV positive.  I called Joe and he didn't really want me to see him.  I wanted to apologize for my bad behavior in our relationship but he really just wanted to get back to the place he had been in before he met me.  And so I honored his request and left him alone to heal by himself.

About 5 weeks after my diagnosis I went to a newly diagnosed HIV/AIDS support group meeting at the newly created Orlando AIDS service center.  When I saw Joe I was shocked at his weight loss. 
We talked briefly but by the end of our conversation I knew that he really didn't want to continue our relationship.  It broke my heart.

And learning of his passing today broke my heart completely open.

Smart, talented and excellent painter, actor and singer.
My personal saddness is the fact that I screwed up our relationship and therefore wasn't a part of this extraordinary man's life for many years.  I am eternally grateful that he did have loyal friends in Orlando from our theme park days that love him unconditionally and hopefully were there for him until the very end.

Peace to you sweet lover, gentle soul, go gently into the light and sing, sing, sing.

G

I LOVE BLACK EYED PEAS...NOT

I'm talking about the FOOD that is black eyed peas not the group with the fabulous Fergalicious Fergie!

My dad tells me that if you eat black eyed peas on New Years Day it will be a good year.
Check out the link above.  I think I missed it last year for some reason and we all know how my 2009 turned out.

The article also mentions the eating of cabbage as well.  My dad has it all covered.  They are eating black eyed peas, cabbage, polish sausage and God only knows whatever else.  Some say that greens are good as well.  I eat greens (for the iron in them) every week.  I was anemic earlier this year from the Doxil Chemo I was doing.  It interacted with some medication I was taking.  This cycle I am doing better.  I am enjoying some time off to heal myself.

Today I slept in, watched the Tournament of Roses Parade and then I hiked up Laurel Canyon park.

I am feeling such FREEDOM already today, this being the first day of 2010.  Freedom is my word for this past 16 weeks of SPIRITUAL BOOTCAMP, 16 Weeks To Mental Muscle.  It has been an amazing journey so far.

Now it's time to watch the movie 2010 and laugh at it. 
And to also see how close they were in their vision of what the future would hold for us today.
But I don't remember them eating black eyed peas in space!


Gerry

WE LOVE BRITTANY MURPHY

BRITTANY MURPHY is gone and nothing can bring her back to us.
I had the privilege of meeting Brittany she was about 19 or 20.  I believe she had just booked the gig with KING OF THE HILL and began her amazing voiceover career as Hank Hill's ditzy niece Luanne.
She did a total of 231 episodes of King Of The Hill, not to mention the film career starting with Clueless, Girl, Interupted, 8 Mile.  For those who speculate about her death and only write to sensationalize her passing, I say this....God help you if you ever lose a sister or daughter.

My heartfelt condolences to her father and brother. 

Just a bright funny comedian who shall not be forgotten. 

At least in my heart.  Rest in peace sweet girl.