Missy's birthday

Today is my baby sister's birthday.
Hard to believe she is hitting this milestone.
Being that I am a good southern gentleman, I will not disclose her age.

Gentlemen NEVER ask a lady her age.  Its just not polite. 

I remember the day my mother brought Melissa Carrie home to our single story brick ranch home in Hill Ridge subdivision just outside of  J-town, KY.  Our house on Samoset Court lay on top of the old corn fields on the ridge, the very same family farmland owned by her family for several generations of Hites.  She brought her only daughter back to the house she had dreamed of having on the Hite family farm. This is where she and my father Gerald raised her and me, along with our brother Shannon.

(My grandfather's family did not let him split off any land for his 13 children.  Instead they sold the family farm to developer Don Ridge.  Later mom and dad went in and bought the house we grew up in!)

Melissa Carrie Mullins was brought home from Suburban Hospital a week or two after she was born.
She was a premature birth and they kept her there for a few weeks if I recall.  My sister and I have a unique relationship.  I feel it is my responsibility to remember the small details about our mother for my sister.  Our mother Evelyn died from complications with a brain tumor when we were all very young.  Missy was six when she died.  We didn't have it easy but the three of us got through it with our dad and the love of an amazing family.  Like myself, my sister was provided with some wonderful women who filled that role of a mother.

Amazing how God works huh?

Like my mother and father, my sister Missy is an amazing athlete.  Tonight on this wonderful birthday she is off doing what she loves best, playing volleyball!  She's a tall girl and really good at it.  I talked to her tonight and she told me that she was playing in an important game against a #1 rival team. 
I could not imagine her doing anything less than what makes her the most happy on this important day.  For this I am truly grateful and know that somewhere our mother is watching over her, so very proud.

With love to you my sister.

Your big brother Gerry.

Where I am now.

It's been quite a year.

I'm back to work and my health is good for now.  I'm taking Kundalini yoga every Saturday and it kicks my ass.  And most recently I opened my heart up for the first time in years.  (He's not really available for a relationship much less dating but I finally am, so its all good.)  Oh yeah, most recently my hard drive crashed and I let go of two years of videos, pictures and documents.  LOL

I don't know why I stopped writing back in May.  Maybe I got busy living my life.  The daily practice of coming up with a blog is difficult, unless you are really keeping a journal of a project or just feel the need to put it all down day in, day out.

Today is the day my mother was born.  She has been gone as many years as she was alive, so I feel like this is a halfway point oddly enough.  Born in 1942, she died of a brain tumor in 1976.  Now here in 2010, I find myself reflecting on a distant time and place.  I get to visit my hometown next weekend for my 30th High School reunion.

Time has moved on in J-town, KY.  And yet I can step on to a street in my hometown and be transported back to my childhood in an instant.  The familiar places like city hall where my Uncle Franklin was mayor of J-town in the late 60s, or half a block down the house my dads cousins the Swetnam's, purchased where I learned what REAL hard work was, pouring a concrete sidewalk.  Or I drive by John F. Kennedy Elementary where I attended class with most of the people I will be having a reunion with next weekend.

There will be one person missing next weekend at our 30th reunion, our friend Scott Eisert. Scott and I along with Glenn Elder all did theatre together at J-town.   Scott will forever be Charlie Brown in my eyes.  Glenn and I shared the role of Linus.  Today is the one year anniversary of Scott's passing.

When he passed away last year I was filled with such grief.  For me and all of our mutual friends it was our own "Big Chill" moment.  It is a difficult thing when one of your peers passes away, especially if it is someone you knew from third grade on. 

Today I honor them both.  Fall is a bittersweet time for me.  I love visiting my hometown and city that I grew up in at fall time.  The trees are sometimes displaying fall colors and the air is chilly, other years its still very green and hot.  The world famous St. James Art Fair will be in full swing next weekend and I plan on going down to the art fair with my sister and reuniting with a few of our cousins.  It's sure to be an amazing trip.


I realize now why I stopped blogging....I was busy shooting footage for my new webshow idea, covering red carpet and charity events.  So you will see this blog evolve and change.  And I will write out my impressions of what I shot standing 3 Feet To The Left.  All things change.  We adapt to it in our every changing world.  Finally I've gotten to a place of loving myself enough to step out there as a performer again.  I've gotten an agent and my pictures are uploaded to LA CASTING the big site here that you must join in order to be sent out by an agent. My agent ACTUALLY has access to that account.  (I goofed on Sunday night, thank God for tech people at the website.)  And I am allowing myself the opportunity to enjoy the brief moment between fear and faith, anticipation and actuality.  The moment just before the miracle happens and I become what I have always dreamed.

Peace and blessings,
Gerry

JUSTIFIED on FX

I LOVE JUSTIFIED

Timothy Olyphant is awesome as US Marshall Rayland Givens in this new FX series.
After shooting a thug in Miami, Rayland is punished by the US Marshall service by being sent back to the one place he vowed he would never return....Harlan, Kentucky. 
(The Kentucky accents are pretty good.)  The episode I just watched was called "Hatless."
This series is based on a short story by Elmore Leonard.

Timothy has been in a slew of movies recently (Live Free or Die Hard with Bruce Willis and Catch And Release with Jennifer Garner and just last month The Crazies.)

You will probably best remember him as Seth Bullock in the HBO series "Deadwood."
JUSTIFED is on Tuesdays @ 10PM.

Rayland to the guy who stole his hat in the bar:
"Mister, that's a ten gallon hat on a twenty gallon head."

"Evening Marshall..."

I LOVE LA

It's been an interesting few weeks here in LA.  We had a warm spell and then a storm came in last night and washed the air clean.  The temps were chilly today and the views of the mountains spectacular!  So I did a hike in Fryman Canyon off Laurel Canyon Blvd and took these amazing photographs today.  There is nothing like a beautiful spring day in Los Angeles.  Once again for today....I LOVE LA.

The views from these houses are amazing.

I LOVE SAN FRANCISCO

THIS past weekend I had an amazing time in San Francisco.
For those of you who are my friends on Facebook then you have access to all of my photos that I posted.
For those that I email here are a few of the shots that I took on this sunny, amazing, beautiful day in the city by the bay.

SUNNY SUNDAY IN SAN FRANCISCO

This was my "Paris Street Rainy Day" moment.

There is a famous French Impressionist named Caillebotte.

I believe it is my job to record life as I am experiencing it for future generations to see.

After I took this photo I burst into tears.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.

And the day was a special Sunday where they shut down the street and allow only pedestrians and people on skates and bikes. 

Oakland Bridge at Ferry Building Wharf

WORLD FAMOUS CASTRO THEATRE

CONSERVATORY OF FLOWERS 

Golden Gate Park in San Francisco

NATIONAL AIDS MEMORIAL GROVE 

Sitting at the CIRCLE OF FRIENDS 

I have been wanting to see this memorial for a few years now.  Finally made it.

It is a stunning "living" memorial to those we lost, for those living with AIDS and for future generations to look back on and say "What was AIDS?"

I LOVE Joannie Rochette

Well it has been weeks since I have written.  Two weeks ago, I attended both Joe Erwin's memorial in Orlando and my step-grandfather funeral in Kentucky within a 48 hour period.  Since returning to LA,  I have been taking time to be still and contemplate my own life.  What do I really want to do next?  At each memorial I heard the words "pay attention to your life."  What's important in yours?

Tonight I just watched the skating of the women's short program.
Joannie Rochette of Canada skated an amazing program after dealing with the passing of her mother just two days ago on Sunday.  Actually she skated an amazing program.  It is a personal best for her.

Having been someone who's own mother passed away while I was a teenager, my heart goes out to her.
I cannot imagine what it took for her to get out on that ice and do a performance like that.

Bravo Mademoiselle.

JOE & ME

Joe & Me  1990

Finally found my favorite picture of the two of us.

We had just moved in together in Orlando.

This spring will mark the 20th anniversary of when Gerry met Joe at Universal Studios Florida.

I have gone through every box and drawer in my apt here in LA and finally last night I found this photo.  It had been in a frame at one time and I kept looking for the framed picture. 

I found it instead along with a whole group of pictures from that time in my life.  In going through my whole banker box of photographs, I found tangible evidence that I have lived an amazing life.  These photos show me taking trips all over California and the world, more ex boyfriends and most importantly a very loving family.  There is joy in the pictures of my brother, sister and I.  Photos of me along with my dad and step mother and step brother and sister and their families reminds me that I truly am loved. 

More than that I am blessed.

And I know that most people don't have what I have.

Unconditional love.

Twenty years ago Joe & I lived in a bubble.  We were accepted by our co-workers, friends and families as a couple unconditionally.  As I reflect on this relationship twenty years later, I realize how blessed I am to have experienced a relationship like the one I had with Joe.

Now don't get me wrong I don't forget the difficult times and our relationship did not end well.  

However I do know that for a time, it was amazing to be that loved.

And for that I am forever grateful.

Have you called or hugged someone you love today?

Gerry

I LOVE JOE ERWIN

Joe at the beach 1991.

When I began this blog back this past summer I had no idea where all this talk of love was going to take me.  It's made me examine all aspects of love in my life.  Today has been one of those days.

I had an omen that something was wrong on Saturday morning when I opened my door and across the roof top I saw the black crow.  It turned to look at me and it made it's caw sound.  I put it out of my mind.

Then this morning after my Sunday AA meeting I listened to a voicemail from my good friend Glenda that told me to call her back as soon as possible.  Glenda broke the news to me that my ex lover and partner from Orlando, Joe Erwin had died.

For the first hour or so I was in shock.  Sitting in a french bakery restaurant in the middle of West Hollywood, I contemplated our time together.  I questioned myself as to how long it had really been since I had spoken to Joe.  Several years ago I am sure, our Christmas cards had stopped being sent. 
I had moved 4 times and had that horribly bad relationship from two years ago.  We lost touch.

I kept looking for him on facebook this past year.  I had found his old address but for some reason this year, I didn't send a card.  I didn't lose it until I was walking back to my truck and I began to think about the painting he did of me when we were together.  That painting is the one thing that will always remind me of how much he loved me in that moment.  I haven't sobbed like this in years.  Call it compounded it grief, it literally stopped me on the sidewalk and doubled me over.  I stood by my truck for a good 20 minutes just letting it flow out of me.  I let go of all the unresolved feelings, the amends that I feel I still have to make to him, the lose of not getting to say goodbye in person.

Joe and I met at Universal Studios and were together for only a few years.
I behaved poorly in the relationship and it ended badly!  I went to live temporarily with my brother and his wife in Sarasota.  Our good friend Trisha saw me that summer and inquired as to Joe's health.  She had seen him in a play and had noted that he didn't look very good.  Being that I have lived my life in a sort of denial when it comes to partners and lovers, I just thought he had a cold that summer. 

It was 1993. 

Joe was diagnosed with pneumocystis pneumonia (PCP).  And he had full blown AIDS.  I went and got myself tested and back then it took a week to get the test results back.  I went to California to take an Eric Morris Acting workshop and to spend time with Glenda who had moved to LA earlier that year. 

When I returned to Orlando, my dear friend Scott picked me up and was there with me when I got my HIV test results.  I will forever be grateful to he and his partner at the time Paul for keeping me at their house for a few days after I learned that I to was HIV positive.  I called Joe and he didn't really want me to see him.  I wanted to apologize for my bad behavior in our relationship but he really just wanted to get back to the place he had been in before he met me.  And so I honored his request and left him alone to heal by himself.

About 5 weeks after my diagnosis I went to a newly diagnosed HIV/AIDS support group meeting at the newly created Orlando AIDS service center.  When I saw Joe I was shocked at his weight loss. 
We talked briefly but by the end of our conversation I knew that he really didn't want to continue our relationship.  It broke my heart.

And learning of his passing today broke my heart completely open.

Smart, talented and excellent painter, actor and singer.
My personal saddness is the fact that I screwed up our relationship and therefore wasn't a part of this extraordinary man's life for many years.  I am eternally grateful that he did have loyal friends in Orlando from our theme park days that love him unconditionally and hopefully were there for him until the very end.

Peace to you sweet lover, gentle soul, go gently into the light and sing, sing, sing.

G

I LOVE BLACK EYED PEAS...NOT

I'm talking about the FOOD that is black eyed peas not the group with the fabulous Fergalicious Fergie!

My dad tells me that if you eat black eyed peas on New Years Day it will be a good year.
Check out the link above.  I think I missed it last year for some reason and we all know how my 2009 turned out.

The article also mentions the eating of cabbage as well.  My dad has it all covered.  They are eating black eyed peas, cabbage, polish sausage and God only knows whatever else.  Some say that greens are good as well.  I eat greens (for the iron in them) every week.  I was anemic earlier this year from the Doxil Chemo I was doing.  It interacted with some medication I was taking.  This cycle I am doing better.  I am enjoying some time off to heal myself.

Today I slept in, watched the Tournament of Roses Parade and then I hiked up Laurel Canyon park.

I am feeling such FREEDOM already today, this being the first day of 2010.  Freedom is my word for this past 16 weeks of SPIRITUAL BOOTCAMP, 16 Weeks To Mental Muscle.  It has been an amazing journey so far.

Now it's time to watch the movie 2010 and laugh at it. 
And to also see how close they were in their vision of what the future would hold for us today.
But I don't remember them eating black eyed peas in space!


Gerry